what is loneliness to you?

Loneliness is a scary thing..

whenever i think of loneliness, i feel like i'm being left out from something, left out from the world. it is scary as you do not know what's gonna happen next.. Seeing people around you being occupied with something, or having company, you feel empty.. Do you guys ever feel this way?

Around me, I do not wish to see people being alone.. But sometimes, loneliness is inevitable. People eating in public alone, living alone, watching a movie alone, shopping alone, or even working alone..

I have tried working alone.. Tell you the truth, it sucks big time.. Although you are in the organization, there is no sense of belonging at all.. All it takes is for you to be punctual for work, do your duties and your day is done. That's why, i will not turn back and take the road i took. Eating alone in public is a big issue for me.. Perhaps, you may think eating alone is common and inevitable.. But i think the other way. it may not be bad to eat alone, yet at some point, there has to be company to eat with and talk to..

Staying alone is worse! Imagine having to take care of yourself with no one around you? Parents living overseas and you staying alone here in Singapore to get through your education or earn a living? I have friends living alone.. and i feel that i have the responsibility to make them happy and keep them company.. Hearing them say ," i'm going home" straight after lesson.. I feel weird. Maybe i'm not used to this as i do not go home straight after school ever since secondary 3.. i don't see the point of going home straight after school and not being productive at all.. Therefore, when they have dates with friends, i feel really happy for them..

I'm watching Dr Champ now.. At this part,Park Ji Heon hurt his close friend Sang Bong during the finals of a judo match. Besides Sang Bong being sent to the hospital for an emergency operation, Ji Heon had absolutely no idea of what just happened. In this scenario, he ran away from judo practices, from home and even from the girl he likes (Yeon Woo). When he finally answered her nth call, he cried saying that he wants to meet her and he was afraid.. I can totally comprehend his feeling.. Imagine committing a mistake you didn't realize and suddenly you realize you have no one to turn to.. It is like falling to the bottom of a pit and just waiting for someone to save you..

I felt really uneasy after class this morning.. Despite having friends around me, I felt a bout of loneliness and sadness, I felt lost out of a sudden and found "no one" around me.. But i stood strong and remained in my position.. Perhaps some things happened too fast such that i had no time to catch up and think through.. I agree with the saying, " when you feel a surge of happiness, sadness will come shortly after".

the thought of meeting my friends later in the afternoon nearly made me cry.. i realized i miss them so much! haven't seen them in a long time and finally!! (: loneliness is not something to be taken lightly.. I need company and i love the people around me. So i hope everyone can be happy (:

toodles!